Endings and Beginnings

| April 3, 2017 | 0 Comments

It was a short romance, not even five months before he returned to the woman from whom he was separated, and I returned to thinking of him as the dear friend he was before the “romance.” I adore this man. He was always fun, always a good time, but in that short period of time, when you have reached my age, perspective is always needed. It is important to move on.

I am acutely aware that at any time things might change, and with that awareness I try to live in the moment. Today is all we really have when you think of it. Lately too many of my healthy friends are being diagnosed with illnesses, one had a stroke, and none of them were expecting it.

My friends and I often talk about the value of living each day fully. I try to do that, and when something good ends, I treasure what it was for that moment in time. With fewer expectations, there are fewer disappointments. I prefer to look back with joy and not with resentment. I prefer to look at this man as an enduring dear friend, not a failed relationship. Plus, who knows what new beginning is just around the corner. Had that experience not ended, there would be no room for a new one to begin.

In a theater group I am part of, we recently performed a folk music revue. Preparing for it entailed months of rehearsals. I, who never sang in public, became part of a trio performing two songs. This was surely an act of courage on my part. It was also a way to stretch my limits and live for a few months in the world of music and theater. I loved every minute of it, even the anxiety of the performances.

There is a special brand of camaraderie in doing theater. All of us, though coming from different backgrounds and careers, found it to be a bonding experience and it gave us a feeling of being part of a creation, part of a finished product we all helped create. All of those months and two performances later, suddenly it was over. No more getting together for rehearsals, no more greeting each other with hugs and kisses and proclamations of approval. It was fun, it was successful, but time to file it away in the good memories part of the brain and move on. But a new beginning is coming up soon, I am directing two of the plays we are performing in the fall and winter. With the ending of the folk music show, I can begin to think of the new ones.

Losing my son this year was an ending that has nothing replacing it. But there was a beginning of sorts, a new feeling that I do not have to jump every time the phone rings. I no longer call him and worry about why he isn’t picking up. It is a sad but necessary beginning of peace. The peace of knowing someone I love is no longer suffering.

That particular ending will always be painful. I will never see him again. I look at photos of him in happier, healthier times and I do my best to focus on the good times we had together as a family.

All of life is a series of beginnings and endings. Some of them may involve something good that ended badly, or something negative that ended on a positive note. The trick is taking it all in stride and with perspective. With that, I end this piece of writing and look forward to beginning my next.

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