Once We Know, We Can´t Continue As If We Didn´t
by Mrs. Freud
Did you ever find yourself thinking, “Blessed be the ignorant”? As we go through life we learn different things about ourselves at different times. All these revelations have something in common: once discovered, we “can´t not know” anymore. That is good and also challenging news. I trust that we come to discover things of importance whenever we are ready to deal with it. Let´s say, for example, that you have a tendency to write heartfelt, fiery answers to unpleasant e-mails. One day, a new thought emerges instead of the usual reasoning: “they asked for it, they made me mad.” Instead, you have an amazing revelation that you are sensitive about criticism of any kind and kept yourself closed off from hearing any of it by firing back, until now.
Instead of beating yourself up about years lost, I call it a moment to celebrate. What´s to celebrate is the awareness. Without awareness, we can´t change something consciously to our benefit. What happens next is crucial. It is one thing to do something without being aware of it, and it is a completely different thing to be aware and to not act accordingly. It would be damaging to our personal development and our authenticity to go on as if we had never had that revelation. True, nobody else might know we had a revelation, but WE ourselves know. We owe it to ourselves to act authentically. This behavior promotes self-respect and happiness.
I am not saying that we need to be perfect and never fall back into old habits. What matters is the willingness to listen to that insight, to explore it, to look at it and to reflect. Wouldn´t it be wonderful if we eliminated sending harsh and hasty e-mail responses and the feeling that follows: being remorse about blowing up again. A simple change can help with that. Take at least one hour to think about the e-mail before answering, or write the e-mail, but don´t send it and let it sit for “X” amount of time (fill in how long it takes you to cool off). This little “trick” will gain us much self respect, which in return helps with becoming less sensitive to criticism. With good self-esteem, fewer e-mails will “hit a nerve” and this trick will be less often needed.
The outcome is a win-win for everyone involved.
If this revelation about heated e-mail justifications is ignored, it adds to the agony of the already painful situation and gives the impression that you’re lacking of problem solving skills and that you’re filled with emotion, which likely makes the situation worse.
Self-discovery is one of the highest aims of humankind and certainly a process. I hope that it is pleasing and fulfilling. If you want to get little tid-bits to get you thinking, “like” my Facebook page at: www.Facebook.com/starrcoaching.
Author Sabine Starr is a psychologist licensed in Vienna, Austria, currently living and working in Mission Hills. She has written numerous articles for professional psychology journals. For further information, visit www.starrcoaching.com and follow her blog at www.HealthwithTaste.blogspot.com; and a new social media offering is www.facebook.com/StarrCoaching.
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