People Always Remember How We Made Them Feel

| March 8, 2013 | 0 Comments

Relationships, interactions and negotiations are clearly a big part of our lives. There are countless seminars, workshops, books and blogs available in order to learn techniques on how to optimize, maximize and strategize. They tell us how to act in order to get good results out of others. Clearly, tools and knowledge about the dynamics can help. However, it is not all that complicated and it might save you a lot of money to consider and practice the following.

It does not matter what and how we say something, do something or not do something. What matters is how we make the other person feel. Just think about your own experiences. There might be situations in your past where things got sorted out and all ended well, but you still hesitate to go back to that person involved. Some bad feelings linger, something important to you did not get addressed, fixed or acknowledged.

Relationships are fragile and complex. It is easier to break a bond than to build one or repair one. Therefore it is of utmost importance to be careful in the first place. Respect for the person we are dealing with is very important. When we have respect in mind, we are coming from a good space. Another good rule of thumb is the time honored standard “to treat others how we would like to be treated.” That is a very reliable guideline.

This is particularly important for difficult situations. Say you had to talk to a co-worker about her mistakes in a report. That is definitely an unpleasant situation, and the co-worker will easily get defensive. Most people don´t want to experience difficult conversations; that fact can´t be changed. Start by talking honestly to the person, treating them kindly. Taking these steps will help to soften the unpleasantness of the situation. Nobody ever expects to be the reason for a difficult situation that occurs in their lives. What will be forever remembered is the way the person talking to them breaks the news. Did they take the time? Were they supportive, professional and helpful in that moment of sharing bad news?

Difficult talks won´t happen every day at work. But there are many little things in our daily encounters that can burn bridges. This is especially so if not handled well and with mindfulness to build bridges. For example, will you listen when your neighbor is concerned about your dogs barking, or will you just turn away and belittle the concern and needs of the person standing in front of you. The reaction in that moment might set the tone for years to come and can only be changed with a lot of effort later. More on this and related topics at:

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