Secret # 9: Allowing Grace

| June 30, 2012 | 0 Comments

The nine of 10 secrets to a fulfilled life is about taking responsibility for ourselves and letting others do the same. That way we can live with grace and with ease. The common trap of unspoken expectations and resulting frustrations and misunderstandings does not grab a hold of us that way.

We might not have learned to discover our own needs or to speak up for ourselves when growing up. Today, we want to be a good spouse, a good friend, a good parent. Clear communication is key to this process. So observing our own behavior, reactions and feelings in various situations gives us a lot of information. Think of situations when you find yourself being resentful. What happened? When did you not voice your own opinion or need? In the end, we let things happen to ourselves by not voicing what we need. We went along while harboring resentments, which poison the atmosphere and our experience. Once we consciously decide to make a compromise and decide to go along with something, it means taking responsibility for our own part in it. Then we will not feel resentful. Instead, we’ll be happy to be able to be there for someone else. We can still have a good time, even if it is not our favorite place or role.

Sometimes we get a vague feeling that someone wants us to specifically do something. Instead of trying to ignore it or let us be pushed into it, we can take responsibility and ask ourselves, “What is it that we are sensing?” After clarification, we can decide what we are willing and able to do and communicate, instead of letting a vague discomfort dominate the situation.

At the same time, we shouldn’t be afraid to ask something of others. Make it a habit to include others and delegate, even if you can make it happen by yourself. Ask for help when it is easy to accept a negative answer. Then it is easier for us to set our own limits and say “No” when we need to be economical with our own resources, like time, energy, money, or even sympathy. Pay attention to your own feelings about a situation. Ask yourself “do I want to help?” If not, don´t offer. We are not always in the position to help, and that is okay. We do not need to be everything to everyone at every moment. Yet we do need to take responsibility for ourselves at every moment. In my opinion that is what it means to be an adult. It is liberating and a great way to go through life. People will learn to love you for always being truthful with them, as opposed to having hidden frustrations leak out, tainting the relationship.

By letting others take responsibility for their individual actions, whic doesn’t belittle or enable them, we help to bring out the best in others. This is an important step in expressing grace, which can be internally and externally fulfilling. It is an outward effort that allows us to show respect and dignity for ourselves and for others.

When grace is present, there’s a sparkle in our hearts and eyes, and that’s contagious.

I encourage you to enjoy experimenting with this thought until the next issue. Comments are welcome at

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Certified Life Coach