Be the Kind of Influencer the World Needs in 2020
By Karen McGregor
Our world is full of so-called “influencers” vying for our attention. You can’t miss them: They create tons of noise and are always in the spotlight. From spiritually bankrupt politicians to super-wealthy tech geniuses to charismatic online personalities who use their influence to sway audiences to buy their favorite (sponsored) products, these larger-than-life figures may dominate our headlines and social media feeds—but they don’t fill our yearning for authentic, heart-driven leadership.
Paying too much attention to this style of influencer leads us down a path of unhappiness. The good news is more and more people are realizing this. They are ready for a new kind of influencer, one who creates good for themselves and for everyone else. Best of all, anyone can become this type of influencer—including you.
You may not think of yourself this way, but the truth is you influence people all the time. Everyone does, whether they’re an “official” leader or not. Here’s the question: Is your influence driven by fear, or greed, or the desire to manipulate others, or the need for recognition—or by a deep longing to create a better world for everyone?
This is a hard question. We all want to think we have selfless or at least benevolent motives, but when we look within—with a sincere desire to know ourselves—we may find a different truth. Once we do, though, we can begin to influence others for the collective good.
I believe the ancient wisdom of the 4,000-year-old Tao Te Ching can help us identify and break the “power patterns” that undermine your influence, block you from getting the results you want, lead to dysfunctional relationships, and otherwise make you miserable. (For example, distorted power patterns mean that some of us are controllers, others are victims, still others withdrawers, etc.)
It’s important to understand the three stages of influence that people move through in their lives. The first stage is self-centered; it’s all about attempting to get something we want. The second stage happens when we seek out win-wins; our goal is for everyone involved in a decision or action to benefit. In the third stage of influence, we work toward a powerful outcome for all—for the planet, the community, and the evolution of humanity. (This is the Tao at work.)
The goal is to recognize where you are and take steps to start moving to a higher stage of influence. We have to do the inner work to do the outer work. The beginning of a new year is a powerful time to start this journey.
A few tips to help you get started:
When you feel angry or annoyed, focus on gratitude. This can help to supplant old power patterns you’ve relied on for years and years. If you are angry with someone or arguing endlessly, remove yourself and ask, What is the gift in this moment?Without blaming or shaming anyone, feel into your heart and ask, What am I grateful for?
Try to reframe challenging circumstances as opportunities and practice appreciating them. This is a form of gratitude: to be able to see the good that is present in every situation.
Stop begging and pleading and calling it prayer. Asking, bargaining, and engaging in transactions lead to a one-sided relationship with the Divine. To better understand the power of prayer, I journeyed to the Poor Clares Monastery in Duncan, British Columbia. The nuns there lived a solitary life of contemplative prayer. They taught me that prayer isn’t what most of us think it is.
The nuns said that prayer is many things. It can be a meditative
walk in nature, a feeling of deep gratitude or joy from being in the presence
of a loved one, or simply saying a phrase like “thank you.” It can be
saying one of many names for God. All these ways to pray have one thing in
common: to illuminate a relationship with the Divine.
Start paying attention to your
need to be “right.” This very common “ego
need” diminishes your power and weakens your ability to influence. It also
takes the life out of creativity and destroys new solutions to old problems
before they see the light of day. The key to stopping this behavior is to
recognize where it comes from.
You really can change the world for the better when you set a resolution around realizing the true power of your influence. But becoming an influencer begins as an inside job. Once you do the inner work, you can start influencing those around you in a positive way, and the ripples you create will impact the whole world.
Karen McGregor is a leadership and influence expert, international keynote speaker, and the best-selling author of several books, with her most recent, “Awakened Influence,”debuting in June 2020.
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