Secret # 10: Acceptance

| July 31, 2012 | 0 Comments

This concludes the 10 month series of simple secrets to a fulfilled life. I hope you have enjoyed it and have tried out some of the exercises on the way. You may always go back and re-read them (, the simple wisdom keeps on growing and reveals something new every time. I have also pointed out the free radio series (, as well as the ebook on the same topic, which is a quick read with exercises, affirmations and descriptions (

The last of the 10 secrets is acceptance. At first sight it seems to be a very passive state, one that might come to mind when we speak of resignation or victimhood. But acceptance does not come to us by itself. We do have to become active if we want to experience the calming and inspiring benefits of acceptance. It is also a much underrated and not even near to resignation, or to being a victim. Truly, acceptance lifts us out of these two unhappy states of being.

Whenever we encounter a difficult situation in life, we can assess what it is we can do to change it for the better. Sometimes, there is not much we can do. But even then, we still have the power to decide, how we want to experience that unpleasant situation. If we make up our mind to accept it, it helps us to relax. We can let go of the angst and we will move forward much quicker. We experience a powerful transformation within ourselves, even if our outward situation has not changed. Making a decision is key to the process.

There are times in life when we need to ask ourselves, “Do we want to be right or happy?” We don’t need to be right in every single situation. We can choose to accept what is and thus are able to be happy. Much energy can be wasted trying to be right, set things right or set people straight. Often nothing but arguing, being frustrated or dominating is gained. Acceptance is a true gift that we can give to ourselves and to others. It is powerful and has amazing results. Give acceptance instead of dominance. Self-acceptance is also something we can give ourselves, instead of self-criticism or self-loathing. Just think about how different it feels. When we accept ourselves, we are strong and can fulfill our mission, our work, love our spouses, volunteer for a cause we believe in, enjoy a hobby, and take care of ourselves. But when self-acceptance is missing, much judgment is going on in our head. We spend a lot of time deciding, reconsidering, avoiding being judged, criticized and so on. The same amount of energy (and we all have a limited amount of energy) can be used for either much good, or for a poor outcome.

Think of a recent incidence when you truly did not like what happened (a wiped out hard drive, spilled coffee, traffic jam, anyone?). What is your habitual response? Whether shouting, finger pointing, or becoming silent, think of how it serves you. Often it is not worth it to put our psyche, body and mind through the upset, which lingers on in our systems. We truly have a chance to choose how we react to unwelcome events. First, create a gap (take a deep breath, leave the room, take the day off, depending on the severity and on what it is that you need). Second, think about someone you admire because of how they deal with tricky situations and go about and BE it.

Acceptance is easier when we don’t rush ourselves, not overbook our days and leave room for do-overs. Find what makes being in a state of acceptance easier for you: running, walking, meditating, getting lost in a hobby, taking a conscious breath.

Summer is the perfect time to get into the habit of doing this. May you have fun and success with your effort. Comments and questions are welcome:

Sabine Starr

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Certified Life Coach